


Crimson Blip

by Schmittens



Category: Away (TV 2020)
Genre: Choose Your Own Ending, F/M, Fluff, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:14:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26453203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schmittens/pseuds/Schmittens
Summary: The red dusty planet; a little crimson blip in the night sky.It would be their home for the next twenty months.It would test them in ways they never thought possible.It would especially test Emma and Ram and their ability to stay apart.
Relationships: Emma Green/Ram Arya
Comments: 6
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

Emma walked towards the Pegasus with the crew in tow. She would always lead, it was in her genetic coding. She walked and watched as she made footprints in the red dirt that covered her new temporary home. Home.

She was immediately hit by a pang of guilt. Matt would be, for lack of a better term, a single parent for the next few years. She would miss out on so many things, namely the celebration of Lex’s recent negative results for CCM. Emma still wasn’t sure how Lu did it. How she could focus solely on the mission and leave thoughts of her family and life behind. Emma would always have her family in the back of her mind. No getting around it.

“Commander?” Came Kwesi’s voice through the comm system in the helmet of her suit. “Are you alright?” It was only then that Emma had noticed that she had stopped walking.

“Taking it all in,” Emma lied easily. Kwesi and Ram shared a look that could have meant a thousand things. Needless to say, they saw right through her.

They continued wordlessly to what would become their saving grace on the red planet.

The Pegasus was supposed to be a supply ship. It was supposed to allow them to fix any issues with the Atlas. Only problem was that Atlas had too many problems to solve at once. The hole in the crew quarters and lack of water made staying there improbable. Through Lu and Misha’s ingenuity, they were able to create a comfortable living space while they figured out how to fix their more permanent residence on Mars.

The first few days had been interesting. The adaptable living quarters were cramped, at best, but they had fresh water. To say they drank more than their fair share would have been an understatement. However, they knew the Pegasus II would be there in only a matter of ten weeks with a resupply. They were able to calculate their supply and ensure they would not run out any time before the expected arrival date.

Kwesi once again began to build his green house. With the fresh supply of water, he was optimistic that his plans for vegetation on Mars would be a success. 

Lu and Misha worked tirelessly together to come up with solutions for the Atlas while they remained on the Pegasus that had no contact with NASA. It was the one downfall that Emma was worried about. With no contact with NASA, they essentially severed their ties to Earth. It was a scary thought but one, she thought, her crew could handle. If anyone could, it would be them.


	2. Chapter 2

The first Martian storm they experienced was different from the ones on Earth. The dust whipped around the ship, making the sky an ominous pink colour. It seemed unnatural. Emma sighed. She used to love storms on Earth, loved to hear the splatter of the rain on the roof and windows. Instead, all she could hear was the dust whipping around and the small fragments coming into contact with the metal of the ship’s hull.

The storms continued and the dust swirled away from the surface. It wiped away the footprints of the astronauts and took away any evidence of them being there. The only sign of life that remained was that of the two space crafts sitting on the surface. Unfortunately for the crew, the pink hue of fine dust particles in the sky blocked their view of Earth, of home, of the Atlas. They truly felt alone, even surrounded by one another. 

It wasn’t until Misha woke up with jaundiced eyes that Ram knew they were in trouble. He had suspected for some time that something wasn’t right. He was simply unable to put his finger on the issue. However, after a few quick physicals he ran to the green house to confirm his theory. Ram stared at Kwesi’s plants. The hue from the pink sky made all of his plants look as though they had a reddish tinge to them. Upon closer inspection though, even with the light blocked out, he could see the leaves themselves were rust coloured and others had very dark green spots. 

Cursing inwardly, Ram was sure of what was happening. He was also sure that if they didn’t do something about it they would be dead in a matter of weeks.   
If they were that lucky. 

After some debate, it was Ram and Emma that made the treacherous walk to the Atas to use the only workable comms to report back to NASA. Lu watched over her two ailing colleagues so that Ram could speak on behalf of the crew and the symptoms they were experiencing.

Stepping out of the airlock, they were hit with the fine red dust that usually sat on the calm surface. It was unknowable what had caused the disturbance in the usually calm area of Mars. They had chosen this landing sight purely on the fact that it has not seen a storm or any disturbance in the last few years of observation. 

Emma chewed her lip nervously. The unexpected dust storms had caused a lot of damage to their systems. More than they had even known. It had been weeks since the first storm. Weeks of minute symptoms plaguing the crew that gradually escalated and presented in a multitude of different manners. In terms of what was going on, he had caught it early, just not early enough. It also didn’t help that Kwesi and Misha were experiencing a hyper accelerated version due to their body’s inability to process the element. Their bodies were significantly damaged and changed from the eight month space journey. 

The walk was slow as neither Emma nor Ram could see more than a few feet in front of them. Step by step they went, taking their time together. The fear was not being able to find Atlas and then being unable to return to Pegasus. Emma imagined dying ten feet from a door she was simply unable to see. She swallowed hard and promised herself that she would see herself and Ram through this. She had to. For the sake of the crew. For the sake of everyone. 

“Emma,” Ram called out to her.   
“Yes?”  
“Is that it?”

She could see the glinting metal that Ram pointed out. Emma could have cried, laughed, hugged or kissed Ram. He had saved them. Emma paled at the inappropriate thought. No. She was the commander. She needed to keep her emotions in check. She had momentarily had a lapse when she had been dehydrated on the ship and Lu had crucified her for her inability to maintain her composure. Emma did not have the luxury of that excuse now, and either way it was wrong. Her feelings were wrong. She shook her head slightly and reined in her emotions. She turned to Ram and smiled briefly. 

“Yes,” was her only word of reply. They were close. 

When they finally reached the Atlas, Emma let out a breath she hadn’t been aware she was holding. They were safe; for now. The outside of the Atlas ship was covered in a fine dust. Emma had to brush away the particles to properly open the door. Even then, it would be tough to rush in and try to minimize the dust that followed them. 

She reached back and held onto Ram so that they could enter the door as quickly as possible. Looking back at Ram, she counted down. 

“3...2...1” At the last number, she wrenched open the door and threw her body inside while Ram grasped the inside handle and threw his body in after her. They were a tangle of space suit limbs as they tried to close the door as quickly as possible. No matter the planning, the inside of the once clean environment was now covered in a fine layer of martian dust. When Ram finally clicked the lock into place, Emma pressed the button for the decontamination process to begin so they could safely move throughout the shuttle craft without the need of their helmets. 

They stood across from one another with the artificial gravity engaged, breathing heavily. The process would take extra time with the red particles likely clogging up some of the ventilation systems. It was a risk they had to take though.   
Emma closed her eyes and breathed through her nose. Now that the adrenaline had left her body, she was very aware of the pain she was experiencing. She clutched at her stomach, but the suit made it impossible. She must have been unable to hide the agony she was experiencing as Ram finally broke the silence that had lingered between them. 

“Emma?”  
“I’m fine.”   
“You know I can tell when you’re lying.” Emma simply looked at the man standing in front of her and smiled through the pain.   
“No you can’t.”   
“Oh yes, Emma, you would be the worst poker player. Even worse than Kwesi.”   
“Oh, I seriously doubt that. He was horrible!” Emma joked. The distraction worked and the pain started to dissipate when she no longer focused on it. It was still there though, a constant reminder that something was not quite right.

Before long the buzz of the completed cycle sounded and the light changed from red to white indicating a safe environment. They were finally able to step into the ship that brought them to the red planet they now resided on. 

“Thank you,” Emma said and smiled briefly at Ram, undoing the clasp on her helmet.   
“You’re welcome,” he said, mirroring her action. 

Once through the door, they headed to the comm section and each took a seat before flipping the multitude of switches that would enable them to power up the system to be able to communicate with Earth.


	3. Chapter 3

The familiar static came to life and Emma again released a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding. Looking over, Emma saw that Ram was watching her curiously. 

“Wasn’t sure if the trip would be a complete waste or not,” Emma confided.

“We had to try, either way. But I’m glad it wasn’t for nothing.” 

“Me too.”

Ram pushed a button and began to speak, sending his message towards a team, he hoped would be able to provide some answers. 

“This is Atlas.” Ram said over the comm as pain ripped through his stomach. He glanced over to Emma where a bead of sweat dripped down her temple. He knew she was in excruciating pain; they all were, but she remained calm and collected. As a commander should. “We have been exposed to iron overload. The iron oxide from the surface has penetrated through some intake valves that were damaged on the Pegasus landing. We found the issues and patched them, but that is not the main reasoning for my check in. I am suspecting the beginning stages of liver failure in Misha and have detected an arrhythmia with Kwesi. Both are gravely ill. Lu, Emma and I have slight fatigue and abdominal cramping for now. If we do not create a water filtration system, I...” he hesitated and looked to Emma for strength. She simply nodded and closed her eyes. “I believe the result will be catastrophic. Our entire water supply is contaminated.” Ram let out a shaky breath. They would be dead in a few weeks if they continued to drink the water they had. “Atlas over.” 

Emma and Ram sat and listened to the static. They had to wait forty minutes. Forty minutes for their message to be delivered and NASA to come up with some sort of reply. The waiting was the worst. The twenty minute delay had already been unbearable during the landing but that was when they had extra satellites at their disposal. There were far less now that they had landed.

Ram glanced over at Emma and smiled. She only slightly acknowledged, as worry got the best of her. They stared out the window together at the sea of red just outside the window. Once again the word home popped into Emma’s mind. Home where her family was. Home where clean, fresh water was an expectation, not a luxury. 

It was there, looking out at the obscured Martian landscape that she noticed the oncoming storm. 

“Ram,” she said and continued to stare at the dark red veil. It looked like an enormous wave of unknown danger. Whatever system was on its way, it was large enough that it would likely be visible from the nearest satellite. 

Ram locked eyes with Emma. Fear clearly etched on both of their faces. He knew he had to call in the system. Knew he needed to tell NASA of the now two urgent matters they were facing. However, right before he could begin the transmission, he was interrupted by the comms. 

“Atlas, we can only hope that you hear this in time. A storm system is developing directly above you. We have not seen activity on Mars like this in years. We will send this recording every couple hours until we hear a response.” Ram and Emma listened to the rest of transmission as it detailed safety measures and precautions far above and beyond what they were shown in training. NASA hoped that their calculations were correct and that by the time the storm hopefully dissipated, Pegasus II would be ready to breach the atmosphere to bring much needed aid. All they had to do was survive the storm. The storm that they were calculating could last upwards of a few weeks. The date of the message’s origin was almost three days prior. Emma stared at Ram. They needed to return to Pegasus and warn the others and start on the repairs. They also needed to wait for the information for the water filtration system. They couldn’t do both. 

“Ram, I want you to go back to others to complete the safety measures with Lu. I will remain here for the communication from NASA.” 

“Emma,” Ram warned. “We both know that to stay in here will be a death sentence.” 

“It’s my duty to look after you all. I… I should be the one to take the risk.” 

“Emma,” Ram began. 

“Don’t.” She cut him off. “You know we need this information. Otherwise, you said it. We won’t survive. I can’t… I won’t be the reason we die.” 

“Commander.” Ram said more forcefully. “We need you. I,” he emphasized, “I need you.” 

Emma closed her eyes and turned her head from Ram. 

“I told you.” 

“I know.” The silence that hung between them was not uncomfortable; in fact it was anything but. Ram broke the silence, though, to plead his case. “Emma, we need to work together as a team. We have to work together. They didn’t send a team of four up, they sent all five of us up for a reason. Don’t turn this into a four-man mission.” Emma wanted to dismiss his logic, but it seemed that she couldn’t. A sigh escaped her lips and she pinched the bridge of her nose. She hated when he used logic against her. She was emotional and at times reckless, but never stupid. 

“Ram, if we leave the Atlas, there may be no coming back. We may lose comms with Earth altogether.” 

“I’d rather lose comms.” He didn’t need to finish the sentence. He knew doing so might push Emma further than she could handle so he stopped. He always stopped himself from going too far. He would never, could never deny his feelings for his commander, but he also knew there was a limit. She was fiercely loyal and he respected her too much to take that away from her. 

Emma didn’t respond. She wasn’t sure how to at that point. What could she say? To be honest, it was a subject they breached quite often, but always left it, in no uncertain terms, unsaid. She knew of his feelings, knew of the turmoil she herself constantly struggled with, but she suppressed it at every turn.

With a resigned sigh, she placed her helmet back on her head. Ram struggled to keep up with her, but a ghost of a smile played on his lips.


	4. Chapter 4

It was a treacherous walk back to the Pegasus and took them more than double the time of their original journey. The warning for low oxygen supply had been alerting Ram for the last five minutes, but he kept it to himself. There was no need to bring panic into the mix. It would only serve to increase his heart rate and escalate his breathing, which would in turn cause him to use more oxygen. He needed to keep a level head and help find Pegasus. 

He almost laughed to himself.   
Anytime he looked at Emma his heart raced. There was no way for him to be level headed in the situation that he was in. 

They all but ran into the Pegasus which caused Emma to laugh out loud. It was rare for her to let go and laugh, but she had been worried. They had been out so long that she knew they would soon be running into an issue with their oxygen supply. With the warning, they only had a few minutes before all that was left was the circulating air in the suit. Breathing that was literally breathing borrowed time. She had hoped that they would get to Pegasus in time and it seemed that someone had been looking out for them.   
Silently, Emma thanked Kwesi. She knew he would be praying for them and it was a miracle that they had been able to locate Pegasus in the dense red dust that was now surrounding them. 

Ram smiled when Emma laughed. He loved to hear her utter joy. In his opinion she was always too serious for her own good. She was the most beautiful when she let go for a fraction of a second and let her emotions dance across her face. It was always these little moments that he looked forward to. It was why he studied her so fervently, because if he missed one of those moments, he felt as though he was missing out on the joy of life. That was what she was to him. The epitome of everything. And he found it in those quiet moments with Emma when she let her guard down. 

They made their way to the airlock and safety. When the door was closed, Ram looked out at the impending storm and breathed a sigh of relief. It was then that he turned to Emma; his Commander. He was watching for one of those moments. He was hoping and praying he would get to see the true Emma she hid beneath the armour she wore. He was so focused on her, when it hit him. It truly hit him. 

What was he doing? 

It was there in the airlock that he started to question himself. If he had been with any other Commander would he have not disclosed the vital information regarding his oxygen deficiency? Would he have not followed protocol? 

The simple answer was no. 

The entire walk he had compromised not only his safety, but the safety of his Commander and crew. He shook his head to try and think clearly. He knew that he was jumping from one emotion to the other, but he couldn’t help it. Now that the thought had entered his mind, there was no way to stop it from spiraling out of control. 

When did he become the doctor that could not maintain professionalism? When did he become the astronaut that compromised a mission? When did he become the man that yearned for someone who stated that they could never reciprocate his feelings? When did he become… hell, he knew when he became all of those things. It was the moment he met Emma.   
He had been doomed from the very start. He should have recused himself. Should have done so many things properly, but he never could bring himself to. He was selfish and in doing so, he was a danger. 

“Emma,” he said softly as the red light bathed them both signifying the still inhospitable environment.   
“Ram,” she responded and looked straight into his eyes. He knew he had to say it now or he never would. He opened his mouth but the words he bade to come out would not do so. He swallowed hard and closed his eyes. Maybe if he did not look at her he could get it out all at once.   
“I can’t do this.”   
“I don’t understand,” Emma frowned.   
“I am compromised. As a physician, an astronaut, a man. I cannot maintain my objectiveness with you.”   
“Ram,” she started but he cut her off.   
“No don’t. I should have never put you in the position you’ve been in. My mind has been preoccupied with thoughts of you. Only you. Always you. But, I can’t anymore. I’ve put the entire crew at risk with my behaviours. Did you know, just now, that I did not disclose my oxygen being low? What good am I as a doctor if I cannot even recognize the dangers I am medically placing myself in? I can’t justify my actions with you. It’s as though I completely forget my training and everything I know.”  
Emma stepped forward and closed the distance between them, but he backed away.  
“You’ve done nothing wrong Ram,” she breathed quietly. Emma couldn’t tell who she was trying to convince more; him or herself. Wasn’t this what she wanted; what she asked for each time he admitted his feelings out loud? Somehow him putting distance between them felt as though a spike of fear was being driven through her heart.   
“Emma, look at us. I’ve crossed a line every single day with you.” Emma shook her head. Everything he was saying was making sense objectively, but it felt as though her mind and her heart were at a crossroads.   
“It’s better this way.” The white light shone in the airlock and Ram took off his helmet and reached for the door before looking back. “I’m sorry I acted inappropriately.” 

Emma watched as Ram stepped out of the airlock. A thousand thoughts ran through her head. Most prominently, she simply felt numb. 

It was there in that airlock, though, that she whispered a dangerous thought out loud for the first time.   
“I’m not.”


	5. Chapter 5

Emma ripped off her helmet to give chase and ran into Lu. 

“Commander,” she said in a tone Emma recognized. Emma nodded at her and moved to go around her, she couldn’t leave things with Ram up in the air. It was always up in the air with him. Unfortunately Lu would not move out of her way. “We are waiting in the quarters for an update.” Lu gave Emma a knowing look. Emma pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled heavily. Following Lu into the quarters was one of the hardest decisions she had to make. 

Emma debriefed the team. There were numerous changes that needed to be made and so very little time. Every moment spent planning was a moment lost to the actual repairs. Emma hated that every time she looked out a window the ominous red cloud seemed closer. She hated that Ram had not come to the crew meeting, even though he was likely elsewhere already working on safety measures. It was logical, but that didn’t mean that she liked it.

Emma was at such odds with everything her mind and body were telling her. It was confusing and difficult to process. She wanted to be a good commander, but at this point could she? She always thought her one redeeming quality was her ability to remain objective. As Ram had pointed out though, he wasn’t. She was quickly coming to the full realization that she wasn’t either.

Emma snapped back to the present and the discussion on how to proceed with the safety precautions for the oncoming storm. It was quickly decided that each crew member who was able would take a section of the Pegasus and work to complete the changes as instructed by NASA. That meant that Misha was out and Kwesi was only able to do very little. Emma ordered Misha and Kwesi to stay in the crew quarters with Lu so that everyone knew where they were. Misha said more than a few Russian swear words at the notion of being babysat. 

Although Lu and Emma were experiencing cramping and moderate discomfort, it needed to be put on the back burner. Once the changes were made to ensure the safety of the crew, then they could work on the filtration system for the water. 

Without hesitation, Emma headed off to start working away. She had purposefully made sure to keep away from everyone else. She needed to be focused and it was difficult enough already with her mind swirling with indecision. She sighed, when she was finally alone. If she was completely honest with herself, it wasn’t necessarily indecision that she was wrestling with, it was perhaps that she was sure of what she wanted, but she had no idea how to go about getting it.

She needed to put that all aside though and be the captain that the others believed in, the one that NASA had picked, the one that Ram held in such high regard.  
Again Emma chastised herself, why did everything always come back to Ram?

Ram and Emma kept their distance and it almost seemed as if they coordinated when they would come to the quarters to get a drink of water. Lu and Kwesi shared a look each time either one of them would enter and just as quietly leave. The silence was almost too much to bear. 

Every so often, Kwesi would pause his work to look out the window in the quarters. Each time, Misha would ask for an update. It was easy to see the frustration on Misha’s face, but the fact that his skin was now starting to show a yellowish tinge was a bad sign. Ram often took breaks to assess and check in with the stubborn Russian.  
“Misha, how are you doing?”  
“You tell me, doc.” Ram sighed and rubbed his neck. It ached from the odd angles he had been working at, but he knew he couldn’t take too long of a break.  
“We’ll get through this,” Ram said even though he wasn’t sure if he believed himself. Misha only nodded instead of answering. It was odd that the Russian was quiet. Ram took it as a bad sign as he watched Misha turn his face towards the window in the crew quarters and hunch in on himself. 

After eight hours of continuous work, the storm was in full effect around them. The sound of dust and rocks hitting the outer hull was enough to silence the whole crew. All it would take was one errant rock to open a hole and they would die from exposure to the inhospitable martian surface. The hope was that the patches they made to the more vulnerable sections would hold. 

It took a total of twelve hours to complete the changes that NASA had suggested. Twelve hours where they sipped at water, trying to determine the lesser of two evils. They had to tread the line between dehydration and iron overload. Misha was well beyond that line.  
When the last section was completed and the final window was covered up, the crew sat down for a much needed rest. 

From there on in, they would only be able to listen to the storm that raged just outside. The storm that was separated from them by only five inches of titanium and kevlar. 

The only thing they could do now was wait to find out if what they did was enough. Logically, they could wear their space suits and if there was an incident could close the helmet before they suffered any ill effects. Practicality dictated that it was simply not feasible. 

Emma watched Ram as he made rounds to check on everyone. She admired his dedication, work ethic and demeanor. Emma finally started to understand what it was that Ram saw. When she actually took the time and paid attention to the small details, she was able to see the small things that brought the two of them so close.  
She was able to notice the way that when he smiled, his eyes crinkled and it took years off of him. He needed to smile more, but every time he looked at her, a pained expression ran across his face before he was able to hide his emotions. 

Emma hated that she had effectively done this to him. She needed her friend and her captain back. 

She needed Ram.


	6. Chapter 6

Misha was the first to wake when a loud bang sounded against the hull close to him. He listened intently for any signs that they may be in trouble. It had been a week on the surface, completely boarded up in Pegasus while the storm raged outside. The hope was that it would dissipate soon, but in truth they had no idea. His other senses were heightened now that his vision was almost completely gone and they relied on him more than they cared to admit to listen for any subtleties or changes in the storm outside.

As he listened, Misha could hear Emma breathing. He knew each of his crew mates well enough to be able to discern who was who, simply by the way they moved or breathed. He could hear Lu and Kwesi waking; Kwesi being the loudest and usually most awkward of the bunch.  
What he didn’t hear was Ram. 

“Where’s the Captain?” asked Misha. Having just woken up, his voice was more gravelly than normal and he had to clear his throat and repeat himself to be heard.  
“Sulking somewhere most likely,” Lu said quietly, aware that Emma was sleeping not far away.  
“I noticed it has been rather tense lately.” Kwesi was genuinely curious as to what occurred between the Captain and Commander on that fateful visit to the Atlas, but not brazen enough to speak it out loud. Lu looked between her colleagues and sighed.  
“Yes. Very tense.”  
“Oh don’t give me that kakat'sya. Lu, I may be blind, but I’m not dumb. You know something, tell me.” Kwesi laughed lightly at Misha’s swearing, but both could feel the weight of his request. Lu vaguely had a flashback to when Misha chastised her about her relationship with Mei.  
“You two are worse gossips than clucking hens.” Lu said as she smiled tightly between her two colleagues, desperate to avoid the conversation. Instead she thought of the nagging concern that she wouldn’t say out loud; that she was worried for Misha. Worried that it had been a full week of trying to figure out a solution for the water filtration system and they had yet to come up with anything. His liver failure was more evident each passing day. His skin was no longer just slightly tinged yellow; he looked sickly.  


“Forgive me…” Kwesi started, but immediately shot straight up as he noticed Ram entering into the crew quarters. “Ah, Ram, come to join us again?” Not for the first time, Lu turned to Misha to share a look, but he only had a blank stare on his face. It was still hard to get used to his vision loss.

Ram moved towards the crew with something in his hands and a wicked grin on his face.  
“I actually think I have a project for you, Kwesi, and Misha. Only if you think you could handle it though.”  
“Of course we can handle it!” Misha yelled excitedly. He had been excluded from so many things of late, it was a relief to be included in something of use. Misha heard Emma move then. Knew he had woken her up with his loud vocalization.  
Ram walked over to Misha and placed the object into his hands. Misha brought it up to his nose and took a deep breath. A small smile came to his face and then as the seconds went by, it got bigger and bigger.  
“You… I could kiss you!” He yelled happily at Ram.  
“I would prefer if you didn’t,” Ram laughed with him.  
“I’m sorry, what is the occasion?” Kwesi asked as he tried to peak at what was hidden in Misha’s hands.  
“Charcoal!” Misha yelled out of pure joy.  
“I found the activated charcoal in the medical supplies. There’s more, but I will have to locate it all. Do you think it will work?” Misha nodded and smiled as he turned to Kwesi.  
“Come! We will make a water filter!”  
“As long as the result is better tasting than your Martian vodka,” Kwesi said in all sincerity. It made Misha laugh more. With the gossip of earlier forgotten, Lu followed the two excited men in close proximity. Due to Misha being compromised, she felt as though she was the next most responsible person. She kept telling herself things like this or else the crew might find out that she actually cared deeply for her judgmental Russian friend. 

Ram was suddenly very aware that he and Emma were left in the crew quarters together. Alone.  
“You really think it will work?” she said sleepily, rubbing her eyes in an attempt to wake up.  
“It’s the best shot that we have. Otherwise…” He allowed his voice to trail off. He didn’t want to elaborate on the fact that this was their last chance. The recent physicals completed on all the other crew members showed significant decline. He had yet to complete Emma’s and he knew that he could no longer put it off.  
“By the way Commander, your latest physical is overdue and I have to input into my logs that we completed it.” He couldn’t look at her. In fact, he looked almost everywhere else. Being so close in confined quarters after his earlier revelation could quite possibly be his undoing. After all this time, he kept trying to make himself become unfeeling, uncaring towards his commander, towards Emma, but how do you kill a feeling?  
“By all means, lead the way,” Emma replied as she slowly got up. The walk to the medical bay was quiet. Emma could hear Ram’s breath picking up the closer they got. She wondered if he could hear her loud heart hammering in her chest. 

Ram swallowed heavily, his resolve was to be tested heavily in the next few moments. He closed the door behind Emma and watched as she effortlessly moved to the middle of the room. Ram grabbed his stethoscope and walked over to Emma.  
“I know we are all still feeling the effects of the iron overload. Have you noticed an escalation in your symptoms?” Emma closed her eyes for a second before answering.  
“Heart palpitations,” she responded. Concern dotted his face as he moved into medical mode.  
“Have you noticed it upon exertion, specific times in the day? Does your heart feel like it is fluttering or racing?” He went through the questions like he did with Kwesi. If Emma had an arrhythmia too, she could be experiencing an accelerated version of the overload. Emma swallowed hard before she answered, but Ram was too focused on his concern that he didn’t notice.  
“Racing. Definitely racing,” Emma responded.  
“Are you doing anything specific when you notice this racing?” Ram asked.  
“Yes.” Ram looked at Emma questioningly, raising an eyebrow. It wasn’t like her to be overly vague in her physicals, she was usually to the point.  
“It’s when I’m with you.” Ram took a step back from Emma. Surely. No. She couldn’t be.  
“Ram, I know they are working on the water filter right now, but I can’t wait. I won’t wait. I won’t die not knowing. I can’t not know.” Emma closed the gap between them and placed her hand on Ram’s chest.  
“Emma,” he breathed out.

Just then a loud yell was heard throughout the Pegasus. It was enough to turn Emma’s head, breaking the connection between them.


	7. Chapter 7

As Commander, it was Emma’s job to investigate, to ensure that the crew was alright. The problem was that she was too focused on the sensation in her hand as it touched Ram’s chest. She felt hyper aware of the feel of the few wiry hairs on his chest that she could feel underneath his shirt. Hyper aware of the fact that she could feel his heartbeat, pounding in time with her own. He was just as affected by the contact as her. 

Emma stared at the door for a second before she made her decision. She closed her fist and gathered the material of Ram’s shirt before turning back to him. She had to look at him. They were so close their breaths commingled. Emma stared into his chocolate eyes before her gaze dipped down to his lips. Subconsciously she ran her tongue over her own lips, wetting them. The small action caused Ram’s breath to catch. Emma felt the pull and finally gave into her feelings. 

Her lips grazed his slightly and a tingle ran through her entire body. She felt alive. 

Ram sighed and pulled away ever so slightly placing his forehead against hers.  
“Emma,” he whispered, “I don’t want you to do this because we might die. I can’t…” Emma cut him off.  
“That’s not why I want to do this.” Emma said.  
“Why?” he asked, full of desperation, full of hope.  
“I want to do this because we might live.” 

The single yell was now accompanied by laughter and shouts of joy. Emma stepped away from Ram, letting her hand linger on his chest. He needed time to process. She walked to the door of the medical bay and turned to look at him before she stepped out. Ram was still standing and staring into nothingness. 

Emma smiled as she left to go find the rest of the crew. 

Ram stared at the wall; stared off at nothing in particular. Did that just happen? Did he truly just hear the confession that he had been dreaming of for years? His skin tingled. His lips felt the lingering sensation of her lips brushing his. Ram brought his fingers up slowly and touched his lips in wonder. All of a sudden his head snapped towards the door. Had he just let her leave? 

Ram threw the stethoscope onto the desk, forgotten. He needed to find Emma. He needed to fight for her and he needed to do it now. Ram followed the noises he heard in the crew quarters. He stood in the doorway and watched the group together. 

Misha was excitedly describing to Emma what they had done with the water filter. They had suspended a container and Ram could see the layers of charcoal, what looked to be Martian sand that had been collected on their first few days on the planet, grassy leaves from Kwesi’s garden and some small Martian rocks on top. Ram smiled, he knew they would come up with a solution. Already he could see some filtered water in a cup. 

“Ram!” exclaimed an excited Kwesi. “I think we have figured out a way in which we can filter the water to a pure enough state that we will not have to worry about the iron. I believe we have engineered a way for us to survive!” Ram walked forwards and embraced Kwesi.  
“Amazing,” Ram said simply, a smile plastered on his face. They were going to live. His mind flashed to Emma’s words and he moved to be closer to her. He made a show of being interested in Misha’s excited chatter, even though it was difficult to follow with the multitude of Russian words being thrown in. 

Emma could feel Ram’s presence. Knew it the moment he had shown up and simply stood in the doorway without entering. As he got closer she could feel the goosebumps crawling across her skin in anticipation of his close proximity. 

Emma extended and stretched her fingers out as eagerness and awareness coursed through her. When her hand returned to a relaxed state at her side, she felt it. Felt Ram’s fingers brush against hers in a subtle moment of intimacy. Emma struggled to contain her breathing. His action though delicate was bold in front of their colleagues. 

Emma tuned out the easy conversation between Lu, Misha, Kwesi and Ram. She couldn’t focus on anything other than the feel of his fingers as they lightly brushed hers. The sensation and feeling of his hand against hers sent chills through her body. She wanted, no, needed more of a connection to Ram.  
Emma refocused when she heard her title. 

“Commander, we will have a drink now, yes?” Emma smiled as everyone groaned at Misha’s request to drink the horrid concoction he called Martian vodka.  
“I could not think of a better time.” Emma laughed.


	8. Chapter 8

When they had finally settled down from the impromptu celebration, it was very late. Kwesi was fast asleep and Lu struggled to keep Misha upright. Lu laughed at Misha’s inability to hold his Martian vodka as he stumbled, clutching onto her for support. Emma smiled, it was good to see Lu happy. She had been worried about her since the incident with Mei’s reassignment. Emma knew she had done all she could, but it still pained her that Lu had only been able to secretly speak with her for an hour. It might be the last time they would ever speak.

Ram watched Emma as she observed her crew. He really admired her for her ability to command. What he should chastise her about was that she encouraged Misha to drink when he was on the brink of liver failure. Granted, it was now liver failure that they had a very likely chance of bringing him back to good health from. So for now, he let it slide. He silently strode up to her, as she was seemingly lost in her own world watching Lu and Misha laugh and stumble through the crew quarters.  
Her skin teemed with heightened awareness.

“Commander, I was hoping to reschedule your physical. I have all the other crew completed.”  
“What’s the rush?” asked Lu, while she houghed out a breath as she tried to keep Misha upright.  
“Well, everything is time stamped, I wanted to ensure I met my deadlines.” Lu smirked.  
“Yes, we wouldn’t want to disappoint those in charge back on Earth, would we?” The vodka made her brazen and callous. Emma found she liked this Lu, liked her a whole lot.  
Misha mumbled something and he and Lu were on the move again; away from Ram and Emma.

“Let’s go now,” Emma smiled at him.

They walked silently towards the medical bay, Every now and then their hands would brush. Ram swore Emma was doing it on purpose. Right before they reached the door to the medical bay, Ram gripped Emma’s elbow, the purposeful contact made her stop and slowly look up at him. He could see Emma’s breathing increase, watched as her chest moved more fully with each breath and heard her swallow hard. Oh, yes. He was not the only one affected by the other.  
His fingers ran down her forearm, seeking their prize. When his fingers intertwined with hers to hold her hand, it somehow felt right. He then, finally, looked into Emma’s eyes. The silent communication between them sizzled with anticipation. Stepping through the doorway, he guided Emma into the room before closing the door. Ram let Emma walk into the room while he turned to the desk where his tablet lay.

“Now Commander,” Ram started, “We need to go over how you’ve been feeling.”  
“Oh?” Emma asked.  
“Yes, you stated last time that you were having heart palpitations. I would like to get to the bottom of these to determine if it’s from the iron overload or a symptom of something else entirely.” Ram was smirking with his back still to Emma as he flipped through documents on his tablet. He took a deep breath to steady his nerves. He clenched his hands into fists, gripping tightly and releasing them. He needed to stop shaking.

When he finally felt under control, he turned to face Emma. She was standing in the middle of the room. She was staring at him as though she had been memorizing him. The look made him swallow hard. Ram stepped forward and put his hand out for Emma to place hers in his. Ram gripped her hand in his and brought his other hand over, placing two fingers on radial pulse point. Her heart was beating fast.  
He brought his hand up and drew lazy circles up her arm until his fingers brushed under the sleeve of her t-shirt. His hand was slightly calloused, but so gentle. Ram’s other hand gripped her waist tightly, the pressure was incredible. Emma leaned into the contact as a small sigh escaped her lips.

Emma brought her hands up to caress his bearded cheek and wrap the other around the back of his neck. Her fingers snaked their way into his hair. She loved the feeling of his coarse hair against her fingertips. Ram groaned at the feeling.  
“Captain,” Emma whispered, “I believe your records are faulty.”  
“How so?”  
“You already know the reason.”  
“I need you to say it again,” Ram held his breath. He needed to hear the words again. He needed to know that she hadn’t just said what she said out of fear. Now that their current problems had been solved, she had no reason to lie, no reason to not disclose her real feelings. Or so he hoped.  
“It’s you. It’s always been you.” As Emma finished her confession, Ram leaned forward and closed the distance between them.

Just then the door to the medical bay was wrenched open and through it tumbled Kwesi. He immediately stopped short staring at the intimate embrace he found his Commander and Captain engaged in.  
“My deepest apologies,” he stammered, looking anywhere but at Emma and Ram. “I… I need something. It seems the vodka is not sitting well with me.”  
Ram removed himself from Emma’s embrace and quickly examined Kwesi. Immediately turning to his cabinet of medicines, he found some gravol and handed the medicine to the botanist.  
“Many thanks.” Kwesi turned to leave, but stopped short. “Ahava hi pashut ahava. hi af pa-am lo musberet.” He turned to look at Emma over his shoulder. “Love is just love. It can never be explained.” He nodded to the two of them and exited the medical bay, leaving them alone once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For original ending, see chapter 9
> 
> For alternative ending, see chapter 10


	9. Original Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Original Ending

Emma stared at the ground while Ram stared at the door after Kwesi left. Maybe this was all a mistake. Not her feelings, no she would never regret those, but following through with them. Each time she had finally given herself over to them, they had been interrupted.  
Perhaps it was a sign.  
Perhaps it was the universe telling her that she should not allow her feelings that she had continuously pushed so far down that they were buried all the way to her toes, out. She had tried to bury them down so that she could step on them to squash them out. So that she could be content with her life on Earth. With her family on Earth.

Standing here with Ram, she felt alive. She felt like herself again. But did that mean that she threw what she had away? Did it mean she betrayed herself, her family and disregarded her notions of duty and honour?  
Or did it mean that she finally gave herself over to secret desires? Time and time again, it seemed as though she was being warned from doing so. The constant interruptions; were they a sign for her to stop before it was too late?

All these thoughts swirled through her brain as she tried to make sense of everything that was happening. It was too much.  
A tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. 

Ram breathed out a heavy sigh. He knew Emma would be hesitant, now more than ever. He, however, was sure. 

Sure that he couldn’t do this. Couldn’t force her to make a choice between her family and him. Although he wanted her with every fiber of his being, he could not compromise her moral character more than he had already. Of this he was certain. 

Love is just love.  
Love is not always successful, it is not always easy, it is not always what we hope. It is messy, it is unforgiving, it is cruel. It is not a given. 

Perhaps they were meant to love one another, but that did not mean they were meant to be together. The revelation was distressing.  
Maybe what they were truly destined for were lonely nights staring at the sky, two people on parallel trajectories.  
Only to remain close by each other’s side. 

It would be thoughtful smiles, quiet moments and shows of support. Ram wondered if it would be enough to just have her near. He sighed again as the enormity of what he was about to do weighed heavily on him. Ram pushed the door open further and turned to meet Emma’s gaze. Turned to see that she was also in agreement. This could no longer be. 

That no matter how they were feeling, it was not something they could act on. The single kiss they had shared would be seared into his memory. A memory of how he would remember them. He would always care for her, it would never stop. It just could never be spoken aloud or acted upon. 

As Emma walked out the door, she passed by Ram and grasped his hand. Her soft skin met with his slightly calloused skin. Emma couldn’t look at him. She would be too tempted.  
As she slowly walked away her hand slipped from his fingertips. He felt the staggering loss.  
A second tear slipped down Emma’s cheek. Ram was never hers, but losing him broke her heart. Emma walked away and did not dare look back. If she did, she may lose all her resolve.

Ram knew she would pull away, that it would be different for a while. He could handle different. He could handle it all as long as she was still by his side. 

His friend, his confidante, his Commander.


	10. Alternative ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternative ending

Emma stared at the ground while Ram closed the door after Kwesi left. Maybe this was all a mistake. Not her feelings, no she would never regret those, but following through with them. Each time she had finally given herself over to them, they had been interrupted.  
Perhaps it was a sign.  
Perhaps it was the universe telling her that she should not allow her feelings that she had continuously pushed so far down that they were buried all the way to her toes, out. She had tried to bury them down so that she could step on them to squash them out. So that she could be content with her life on Earth. It didn’t work. She knew she couldn't deny her feelings anymore. Couldn’t deny them anymore than she could deny breathing. 

Standing here with Ram, she felt alive. She felt like herself again. But did that mean that she threw what she had away? Did it mean that she finally gave herself over to those desires?  
Time and time again, it seemed as though she was being warned from doing so. The constant interruptions were they a warning sign or a way for her to see that nothing that came easy was ever worth it? 

All these thoughts swirled through her brain as she tried to make sense of everything that was happening. 

Ram breathed out a heavy sigh. He knew Emma would be hesitant, now more than ever. He, however, was sure. He could no longer deny the want, no, the need to be with her. He knew she was struggling with indecision, but he had no doubt of her feelings for him.

“Ram,” Emma whispered as she finally looked up. As if calling out to him would help her finally take the leap towards what she craved. Her eyes swam with indecision. His, however, did not.  
Ram walked over purposefully to Emma and grasped her head between his hands, tilting her up to meet his mouth. It was soft at first as if he was unsure of how she would react to his sudden action. As Emma returned the kiss, he deepened it and she followed along. Down the rabbit hole they went together. A dizzying spin in which they could only grasp onto each other. Each one the only solid thing to keep the other grounded in the moment. Their bodies melded into one. Ram pulled her close enough that neither could tell where one body began and the other ended.

Ram backed Emma up against the wall, his hands found hers and their fingers interlaced. The connection felt like nothing before. He had no comparison. All he could do was search to maintain whatever this was between them. 

Emma moaned as Ram, yet again deepened the kiss. It felt as though nothing beyond Ram existed for her. It was delicious, yet dangerous. She was so consumed by him and he by her.  
Emma pulled her hands from Ram’s and smiled as he protested. She ran her fingers down his chest to the bottom of his shirt. She slowly untucked it and let her fingers lightly graze across his skin. She felt him shiver at the connection, goosebumps chasing where her fingertips went. 

Ram pulled his lips from Emma’s and kissed her neck. He could feel her pulse quickening beneath his tongue. Ram untucked her shirt and pulled it up over her head. He heard her sigh at the momentary loss of connection between them.  
Emma took advantage of the opportunity and pulled his shirt off of him so she could feel his skin against hers. It was as though there was an electric charge between them. Ram removed her bra and cupped her breasts with his hands. His thumbs brushed over her pert nipples. Emma let her head drop back against the wall. She had to bite her lip to stifle the moan that attempted to escape her. Her skin tingled with awareness. It was a new sensation to feel so exposed, but so safe and desired.  
She wanted to explore that desire. To finally feel the passion that she felt burning inside of her. It consumed her and left her with the inability to speak. 

“Please,” she whispered when she felt sure she was able to pass a word through her lips.  
Ram hooked his finger into Emma’s pants and dragged them down her legs. He paused to run his hands along her calves, his slightly calloused hands felt rough against her smooth skin. Emma squeezed his shoulders in an effort to get him to move. He smiled up at her with his chocolate eyes and she couldn’t look away. Emma stepped out of her pants as Ram kissed up her thighs. Anticipation raced through her and she pulled him up to stand again.  
Ram took a moment to stare at her body. God, she was beautiful. 

Emma slid her hands beneath the waistband of his pants and he swallowed loudly. She slipped the pants and his boxer briefs down past his hips and let them fall. Emma stared at Ram, felt her mouth go dry. Slowly her eyes raked up his body. Up past the wiry chest hair until she met his eyes again. She had to have him. She wouldn’t let anything stand in her way. She held out her arms to reach for Ram with an unspoken question. He filled the space smoothly. Their lips crashing into one another’s. This kiss was different. It was full of hunger, urgency and desperation.  
Ram pinned Emma higher against the wall, pushing her hips up so that she would be able to accept all of him. A small whine escaped Emma’s lips. She needed Ram, needed to feel him.  
Ram smoothly pushed inside of her. She was so ready for him. They both groaned in unison at the feel of one another. Emma had never felt so full. She urged Ram to move. Needed to feel him completely. They worked up a rhythm together, the sound of skin against skin echoing in the medical bay. 

Emma fell apart in an explosion of ecstasy with Ram following closely after her. It was different from what she had ever felt before. And when she thought about it, she finally figured it out.  
She finally felt as though she was home. 

Home. Emma found the word no longer brought forth a feeling of sadness, emptiness or loss. It didn’t remind her of Earth, of obligations or duties. No, now, she found the word to be a comfort. It evoked an emotional response. Home was where her heart belonged.  
And it belonged with Ram.

...

Emma watched as Ram slept. Watched his eyelids flutter as his dreams ran through his mind. She smiled at the thought of waking up to him every morning. Their first time together had been quick and dirty and she had loved every moment. But the second time, he had taken every moment to worship her body.  
It was laying with Ram, watching him sleep, that Emma saw this for what it truly was. It was everything she had waited for her entire life. It was happiness. It was a promise of what was to come.  
It was then that she knew. She could not turn back after this.  
Consequences be damned.


End file.
